“No Alleluia. Not one Hosanna. No song of love. No lullably.” -Joseph Martin
Imagine the world without music. No love songs. No songs of praise. Many songwriters throughout the ages have written songs about this very idea. For some, that idea is a reality. My focus in this post is not about life without the literal frequencies of music we often enjoy, but I am talking about music that is in the soul. In my previous post, I intentionally shared the song “I Let A Song Go Out Of My Heart”. For quite a few years this was my testimony. I let my song walk out the doors of my heart. During that time every day felt like a losing battle. But I learned to put up a good fight. I read my Bible, said my prayers, and helped those in need around me. In practicing these things I learned endurance and spiritual survival. But the recital hall of my heart was still empty and silent.
“Awake, awake my soul and sing. The time for praise has come. The silence of the night has passed. A new day has begun.” -Joseph Martin
I graduated from Towson University in May 2017. At that time, my goal was to find a good paying full-time job. My Pastor offered me a job as an intern for the church during the summer, but I told myself that would be plan Z. After countless interviews, resumes, and cover letters, East Baltimore Graffiti Church became my employer. While I enjoyed working with my church for the summer, I was disappointed that I did not land a job after graduation. I often questioned if I was good enough to work anywhere. Part of the internship included a two week mission trip to Cambodia. I had never flown on an airplane and I was preoccupied with finding a “real” job, so I had no desire to go on the trip. For some reason that I cannot recall, I ended up going to Cambodia with the group in August 2017. This was the best decision I made in my life.
It was here in August 2017, where God placed a new song in my heart. For the first time in a long time, I could feel so many emotions. I fell in love with the Cambodian people and I cried for them. I cried for the people and for the land. I remember riding in Jackie’s Travel van with the group, trying not to look or speak to anyone because I did not want them to see me crying. I also remember great joy. For the first time in years I danced and praised God from my spirit. I believe God was calling me to come home and follow Him wholeheartedly. The problem was I did not know how to do this. I am so thankful to Jesus for forgiving me and giving me a new song in my heart. Soon, I would find out just how powerful this song was and the incredible impact it would have on my life.
“Let music never die in me. Forever let my spirit sing. Wherever emptiness is found, let there be joy and glorious sound!” -Joseph Martin
When I returned to the USA from Cambodia my sprits were high, but suddenly the song was muted. This happened because I was afraid. I was afraid to tell anyone what God had done for me in Cambodia. I was also afraid about what would happen if I did not find a good paying full-time job. My fears silenced my song. Approximately one month later, I finally secured a good paying full-time job. I was and still am very grateful for finding employment. Being hired by a reputable company really boosted my self esteem. During my time of employment I learned very important skills like negotiating, customer service, and time management.
I remained in contact with many of my friends in Cambodia throughout the year. I missed them dearly. I would often tell people I left my heart in Cambodia and life was not the same since I returned home. On difficult days I would listen to Khmer worship songs. I did not know how or when, but I knew I needed to return to Cambodia.
“Awake! Awake! Let music live!” -Joseph Martin
I considered many things before returning to Cambodia. I counted the cost and I believed that by God’s grace He would take care of all my needs. In July 2018, I returned to Cambodia but this time I was alone. Fear of potential political unrest and sudden schedule changes caused us to cancel our group’s annual mission trip to Cambodia. I decided I still would go to Cambodia by myself. I truly believed that if I did not return to Cambodia soon, I would lose the relationships I built with the people. Visiting Cambodia alone gave me a different perspective of the country. I was able to see the “real” Cambodia when I visited the city of Poipet on the border of Thailand.
My second trip to Cambodia was not like the first trip. I was very sick which caused me to be angry and irritable most of the time. I was also worried about what my situation would be like when I returned home unemployed. On this return trip, I realized life was hard in Cambodia. And if I wanted to live there I would have to work even harder than I did in the USA. I was ready to throw in the towel and go back home when suddenly the song came back to me. 
It was here, at a tiny school in Battambang where my heart began to sing again. I was sick and unhappy. This trip was not turning out the way I imagined it. But there was something inside me that kept fighting. It was love. Love for God and love for the Cambodian people. The song Jesus placed in my heart was a love song.
When I returned home I decided to rest. I did not look for a job. I did not stress about bills. I just wanted time to collect my thoughts and ask God what to do next. The answer came about a week later. One day I woke up and I knew in my heart I wanted to return to Cambodia again and live there for an extended period of time. It really was that simple, the answer was in my heart.
With help from my friends, I was hired as an English teacher at Ming Hua Northwest School in Poipet, Cambodia. I will teach full-time for one year and work very closely with the local church. We are currently working on plans to create a discipleship group for about 12 teenagers who recently accepted Christ. We are also reaching out to the inner city youth known as “glue kids”. These are children who live in the streets and beg for money. They received the name glue kids because some of them intoxicate themselves using industrial glue. We have given them a new name, “God’s Kids.” I will also teach Bible study and English in the neighboring village, Angsalia. My friend Borey and her mother started a church at Angsalia several years ago and I will assist them on Sundays.
I am very grateful for the opportunity to return to Cambodia again. I am mostly excited to spend time with my friends and making new friendships. I am also grateful for God’s great patience with me. It took me awhile, but I am finally taking my first steps in walking in God’s grace. I want to encourage anyone who reads this blog to place your trust in Jesus. His arms are strong enough to carry you through anything and His heart is big enough to love you and forgive your sins.
Songs for Cambodia 